Marriage Essentials E-zine | July 7, 2006
volume 1, Issue 1 | Subscribe

Welcome to Marriage Essentials, a monthly e-zine providing strategies for healthy marriages.   If you are not yet a subscriber, subscribe here and please share this resource with others! 

Marriage is an amazing journey—and an adventure!  It is our goal to help you make that journey as meaningful and enjoyable as possible by providing you with a few Marriage Essentials to consider.  Today’s issue focuses on “Just the Facts,” providing you with four research-proven facts about the basics of happy, healthy, long-term marriages.   

Michael Davis, MA, LMHC and Deanna Davis, PhD www.premaritalonline.com www.appliedinsight.net info@appliedinsight.net

In this week's issue:

• Feature Article - “Just the Facts”
• Featured Resource
• Other Great Ideas for Designing the Marriage of Your Dreams 
• Upcoming Resources
• Contact Info

Feature Article—“Just the Facts” 

Marriage Essentials Fact #1 

Happy, long-term marriages depend on both commitment and companionship. 

When researchers ask couples who have had long-term marital success what they think has made their marriage great, the most common factors they cite are commitment and companionship.  The happiest couples are friends who share their lives and who have compatible interests and values.  They realize that marriage takes dedication, hard work, and a commitment both to their partner and to the institution of marriage.  

How you can use this fact to your advantage: 

Choose to invest both in your relationship with your partner and in the health of your marriage.  Spend time cultivating your friendship and cementing shared interests by pursuing mutual hobbies, learning, or entertainment.  Have regular conversations about what is important to you as individuals and to you as a couple.  And, don’t forget to schedule a standing “date night” once or twice each month.

Marriage Essentials Fact #2 

The happiest couples with the most fulfilling marriages create a positive climate in their relationship, even when discussing their problems. 

In general, happy couples make five times as many positive comments about each other and about their relationship as negative ones.  Even when resolving conflicts or discussing problems, they are more likely to interject positive comments while discussing difficult subjects.  Positive statements are one way of making “deposits into your emotional bank account” for your marriage. 

How you can use this fact to your advantage: 

At all times and in all ways, look for opportunities to share positive observations or thoughts with your spouse.  Focus on the good things about him or her, your marriage, and your life together.  Look for that ratio of five positive statements to every negative statement.  Keep investing in that “emotional bank account!” 

Marriage Essentials Fact #3 

Couples have happier marriages both now and in the future when they have high standards for one another. 

Happy couples have high standards for each other, even as newlyweds.  Couples with the most successful marriages are the ones who refuse to accept hurtful behavior from one another.  The lower the tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple will be, even years later.   

How you can use this fact to your advantage: 

One of the most important things you can do to foster a healthy relationship is to make an iron-clad commitment to effective communication and respect for one another from day one.  Maintain high standards for one another, including the expectation that each of you will be treated with respect.  Conflict and disappointment happen in a marriage—it’s just part of life. But it’s the way you work through that conflict and disappointment that matters.  Learn effective communication and conflict resolution techniques, use them every day, and set clear standards for mutual respect. 

Marriage Essentials Fact #4 

Contrary to popular belief, married couples have sex more frequently and enjoy it more than their unmarried counterparts. 

A large-scale national study found that married people have both more and better sex than their unmarried counterparts.  Not only do they have sex more often, but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally. 

How you can use this fact to your advantage: 

Well, we don’t really think you need our help on this one.  Basically, this is one of the “perks” of marriage!  Continuously look for ways to foster intimacy, keeping it fun and new, while trying to meet each other’s needs.  Enjoy this mutual benefit of the union.

Other Great Ideas for Designing the Marriage of Your Dreams    

A Great Read

We highly recommend John Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work:  A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert.  Gottman is the guru of marital research, and he has compiled an outstanding overview of the best strategies for creating happy, healthy marriages.   

Gottman’s Seven Principles are based on the most rigorous scientific research proving what makes marriages succeed and, better yet, thrive.  The book also includes fun and simple exercises for enhancing your relationship.  

Upcoming Resources 

Watch for new offerings from Marriage Essentials, including “Relationship Tune Up” and “Stop the Fighting” programs, as well as couples retreats.  We’ll keep you posted as these resources become available. 

Thank you for subscribing!  Until next month, keep focusing on those Marriage Essentials!