Marriage Essentials E-zine | February 9, 2007
volume 2, Issue 1 | Subscribe

Greetings from Marriage Essentials , an e-zine providing strategies for creating healthy, happy marriages.  We hope you enjoy this free publication.  If you are not yet a subscriber, subscribe here and please share this resource with others.

This issue focuses on commitment, a critical element of the Marriage Essentials that will help you design the marriage of your dreams—the Commitment Factor.   

Now Available! We are pleased to announce the availability of personalized Marriage Essentials Relationship Coaching—see the featured resources section of this issue for more details.  

Michael Davis, MA, LMHC and Deanna Davis, PhD www.premaritalonline.com www.appliedinsight.net www.marriageessentials.com info@appliedinsight.net

In this week's issue:

• Feature Article - “The Commitment Factor ”
• Featured Resource
• Other Great Ideas for Designing the Marriage of Your Dreams 
• Contact Info

Feature Article - “The Commitment Factor” 

Now is the perfect time of year to recommit yourself to your own life and to the lives of others, including your children, friends, family, and spouse. When you think about commitment or recommitting to someone, like most things it helps to have a well thought-out plan, preferably written down (since the act of writing implies strong commitment).

For example, if you want to stay committed or recommit to your partner or spouse, you may want to outline specifically what you want to do or say to achieve that, such as increasing your date nights, spending more time together as a family, or turning off the television and computer one day or night a week and playing games or reading together.

The dictionary definition of commitment is “an agreement or a pledge for the future.” We focus on the word “pledge” here because we believe that marital commitment is more than just a handshake or verbal agreement—it is a pledge and a shared value between a husband and wife.

Commitment is about having high standards for your marriage—a pledge that you won’t get complacent. It’s about investing in communication, conflict resolution, and connection. It’s not just about preventing problems, but also about focusing on newness, fun, vibrancy, richness, shared values and experiences, creating a wonderful environment, and designing a phenomenal experience as a couple. It’s about hope, plans, ideas, and never giving up. It’s the sentiment that “no matter what we face, we will come through this just fine. We are 100% committed to this marriage.”

True commitment is about retaining the symbolism and practice of re-committing to yourself, your partner, and your marriage every single day. The key is to not allow the concept of commitment to take a back seat to anything—it is the foundational principle that underlies and drives all of the other three “C’s” of a great marriage (communication, conflict resolution, and connection).

In addition to your daily recommitment to your relationship, you can recommit in a lot of different ways, including:

• Cultivate newness. Marriage has to grow and change to avoid becoming stagnant and unfulfilling. If you look at your routine and can set your clock by it, it’s time to shake things up a bit and enrich your experience. There should always be a balance between shared rituals and routines (because they provide comfort and an stable foundation) and the “newness factor” (because it helps you create a vibrant, ever-changing landscape on which to grow your marriage). Ask yourself:
• Do you still enjoy the things you currently have in your routine, or are they starting to bore you (even if it’s unconscious)?
• What ideas do you have for new projects, people, connections, or shared learning that can enhance your relationship?

• Perform regular check-ups/check-ins. Touch bases frequently on your own health and the health of your marriage. Regularly ask yourselves:
• How are we feeling about key areas of our marriage (intimacy, finances, fun, children, spirituality, home, relationships with family and friends, etc.)? In these cases, it’s beneficial to talk not only about how both of you are feeling, but also to touch bases on previous pledges you made to one another, looking for how circumstances or priorities may have changed, and evaluating how you might want to increase your commitment to one another in these areas.
• How can we evolve both as individuals and as a couple?
• As individuals we need to be engaged in our passions for individual health. How can we enhance our individual health in ways that support our marital health?

• Enjoy frequent recommitment ceremonies. A lot of people contemplate these types of ceremonies after ten or twenty (or more!) years of marriage. Why not consider your own private recommitment ceremony every year on your anniversary or on a special day each month? Why not celebrate your relationship joyfully and frequently rather than waiting for a “special occasion?”

The commitment factor is the foundation for a strong, healthy, fulfilling marriage. Why not make a commitment to recommit to your marriage every day?

Copyright © 2007 all rights reserved. 

Published by Michael Davis, MA, LMHC and Deanna Davis, PhD, co-owners of Applied Insight. Applied Insight offers an innovative suite of relationship enhancement products and services, all of which are designed to provide strategies for healthy marriages,  Services include couples counseling, professional speaking services, and programs like Marriage Essentials and Premarital Online.  For more information, log onto www.premaritalonline.com , www.appliedinsight.net, or http://www.marriageessentials.com/  or email info@appliedinsight.net. 

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